Happy Thanksgiving!!! I know it's a day late but I wanted to wait till I had some time alone to make this post. Since Daniel's last admission to the hospital (11/5) he returned again on the 19th for another week. I've updated our facebook page https://www.facebook.com/savingdaniel13 but, had not on our website. I always knew that once he attempted to take his life once that it was going to happen again. I was right it happened again but, this time at school and this time he waited a whole day before he told anyone. I had received calls from the school about his behavior and how he had stopped participating in class but, this last call from his counselor really caught me off guard. What do you say to someone when they tell you "Your son tried to hang himself in the bathroom stall yesterday?" As I have explained before, my emotions are quickly put aside and the wall goes up. I made sure he was alright and they had someone with him till I got to the school to get him. I felt cold, empty, and full of anger. I'm beginning to feel like I'm the only parent that feels this way. It's not that I don't care because I do care. He's my son, how could I not? I've been going to a grief and loss support group once a week. Since losing my mom, I've been more detached than ever. I'm hoping that this will break that barrier. Any parents out there have any advice to give to me..feel free to comment or just message me.
All in all, Daniel has returned home and is a lot better than before. No signs of depression and no thoughts of wanting to hurt himself. I'm grateful for that.
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving with family. We had a nice lunch and had plenty of pie to go around. It was a great day. Thank you to those that keep in contact with me and follow our blog. I'm not the greatest blogger but I try to keep those that care updated.
Have a great weekend and enjoy the leftovers.
As I sit here and type this up, I'm trying to figure out if things are officially back to normal. I guess the best thing to be is honest and sadly I don't know where we are at right now. Daniel was discharged from the hospital on Monday. He seems to be in better spirits but I still notice how snippy he becomes when you ask him something or just respond to his question. We finally had a "family" meeting with his therapist. The last one was almost a year ago. It went okay...
I often wonder where we would be right now if I had not made changes in our lives back then. I know I wasn't at my best when Daniel was first diagnosed with his illness. I was a complete mess. No one back then would have even known that I was a struggling mom. I always put forth the biggest smile and said "I'm fine." That seems to be my most favorite answer when going through the rough times now a days. That's the closest to being positive I can get right now. Without the changes that occurred after Daniel's diagnosis, we would have been totally lost in the system. The system sucks and I dislike hearing the stories from parents I've met about the struggles they have encountered just when asking for help. It is never explained to you. There are no heads up about the complicated life you are handed along with that initial diagnosis of bipolar, schizophrenia, or depression. Yes, there are books to read and they are very helpful. I read a lot of them to help me understand. I found myself being drawn to autobiographies and true life experiences rather than the text book idea of what life could be like if you followed their expert advice. Listening to someone, who is willing to open up and share their experience is always better. I wish I had that person back in the day, when all this started. I feel that it would have helped me cope with it all and kept me from building that emotional block that I struggle with now. I hope that I can be that person for someone that needs perspective. Look me up if you need me.
Have a great week and enjoy your Sunday.
Keeping Warm in Texas,
Thirteen months later, Daniel returns back to a mental health facility. Definitely not what I wanted to happen but we were going through a rough three weeks of constant outburst at school and home. This time he threatened to jump over the 2nd floor railing of his high school. With a history of one suicide attempt, I couldn't let that threat slide and something deep down told me he was serious. I don't know how it is I feel about this hospitalization. We've been having problems at home and things got out of hand that I decided it was time to take a break to re-evaluate our current situation. As many of us parents know, changes for our children can throw everything out the window. All the progress you have been able to make is gone at least temporarily. This has been the longest that Daniel has gone through a cycle since his last hospitalization. This one was different. He constantly argues and takes everything completely wrong. There is no compromising when he is at this point. It's not good when your youngest son knows more about what you mean when you say something and my oldest with a mental illness doesn't.
I saw Daniel yesterday and I must say he is still quite angry. I ended up leaving and the sense of failure and disappointment rushes in. After so many hospitalizations, the feeling should be familiar but it never is. It's a bad feeling that only parents like me in this type of situation can't shake off.
I will keep updating about Daniel till his discharge. Have a great Sunday!
I'm a mother with an agenda to save her son from the grips of his mental illness and stop stigma so that those who suffer in silence can seek help without fearing the worse. Join me on this roller coaster ride..you're no longer alone.