Just when you think everything is good. In the back of your mind, you suddenly hear "Put your safety belt on" and then the phone rings and it's your son with a worrisome tone on the other end, telling you that he is in police custody and you need to pick him up. As much as you dread the ride, you find yourself slowly treading up the first loop preparing for the first drop. That first drop for me was hearing from the police officer that my son was under arrest and was going to be put under Emergency Detention and transferred to the local hospital for suicidal thoughts. What prompted his decision was not only my son's statement of having the suicidal thoughts but, witnessing my son miss a passing train by a second. His impulsive idea of "will I make it or not," was "will I make it, I hope not." My first reaction was a mixture of things. Anger, anxiety, and an enormous amount of sadness. I was grateful that he missed the train by a second but, what if he hadn't. I know I can't think like that but, the thought has crossed my mind on multiple occasions. I swallow my emotions to avoid the idea of it but, what does a parent in my situation do? I can't keep him "caged up" (as he puts it) for the rest of his life. I'm not sure if this is considered a suicide attempt but, I know the intent was there. At the moment, I'm at a loss and I can't figure out what else to do. I have done everything I can possibly do to help him. I have laid it all out for him and at times I have even handed it to him but, what do you do when they refuse to help themselves? How do you keep them from hurting themselves? How do you keep death from happening?
I'm a mother with an agenda to save her son from the grips of his mental illness and stop stigma so that those who suffer in silence can seek help without fearing the worse. Join me on this roller coaster ride..you're no longer alone.